Another negative

The only reason i got out of bed today was to take a test. I got IUI 2 weeks ago today. Today is day 28. I am suppose to start my period but i probably won't for another 5 or so days. So frustrating. The test was negative. I feel hopeless. Why are we even doing this? It is never going to work. Why are we spending the money?

The other day i went to dinner with some friends. They know i cannot get pregnant. They can both get pregnant whenever they choose. It was an uncomfortable and awkward dinner and it made me sad. The only thing they want to talk about is their children but they know it is a sore subject for me so they are cautious. But when they do talk about them i have nothing to contribute to the conversation. I can't relate. We have nothing in common anymore. They didn't know what to ask me about, afraid of bringing up any questions about me being pregnant but knowing that there was nothing else really going on in my life. So it was just silent a lot. And like i said, uncomfortable and awkward. I tried asking them things but it was the same, because i have nothing in common with them and i cannot relate. The same thing happened yesterday. I went to have craft day with my sisters in law. They all have kids. One has an 8 week old newborn. And once again i felt out of place and alone. Only it was a little different this time. Because they have no idea that it pains me to hear about their children so they talk openly and freely. Basically all they talk about is parenting, and pregnancy and children. I have nothing to say so i remain silent and try to tune them out. It is a lose lose situation. In one instance i want them to talk about it so there isn't an awkward uncomfortable silence like at dinner. But then when they do talk about it i just want to scream and cry and tell them how insensitive they are being. I can't win, however hard i try because my emotions take over and they are all over the place. It just makes me not want to get out of bed even more. I don't want to hang out with anyone and yet if i don't, I just might go insane. How do you change your attitude and accept what is meant to be and move on and be happy with what you have?